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Why be difficult, when with just a little more effort, you can be impossible.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
doesn`t mind that people start spreading rumors about me.. it’s when they spread the truth that I’m screwed ;)
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
The only thing I have learned so far in this company meeting is that this room has 37 ceiling tiles and 24 fluorescent bulbs.
You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that sh!t.