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I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.