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Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
Live each day like someone else is paying for drinks
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got 150000 matches.