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There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
thinks that decaffeinated coffee is just useless brown water.
Just found a hole in my sock and now I`m worried that the whole drawer might be pregnant.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but then I look at my wallet and I feel alright again.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
Porn is the only type of entertainment where "not watching the whole thing" means it was good.
FANNNN...DANNNNN....GOOOOO. Breathe The A`s.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
Learning to "stop drop and roll" in elementary school lead me to believe catching on fire would be a much more frequent problem in life.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.