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Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
You guys can laugh at my cargo pants all you want, but I just walked out of Taco Bell with 350 sauce packets.
Some people are like water balloons; they`re more fun when you throw them out the window.
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
How to cure a headache: 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.
I cannot turn water into wine but, I can turn ice cream into breakfast so that’s pretty neat.
Don`t be sad if you didn`t get a Valentine`s Day gift, lt`s not the end of the world. That`s still ten months away.
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"