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Why do they always have 5K runs for charity? Just once, couldn’t they have a sit for charity or nap for charity?
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
If anyone could read my mind I`m pretty sure they`d be traumatized for life.
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
You should never lie through your teeth. Open your mouth and speak properly.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
I get as much action as a white crayon.
Eleventeen percent of the population makes up words.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.