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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
Synonym: Word used in place of the one you can`t spell.
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
If steroids are illegal for athletes shouldn`t photoshop be illegal for models?
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.