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No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
Good thing Jan Brady`s older sister wasn`t named Beetlejuice
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.