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Did anyone hear the one about the cross dresser? The happiest day in his life was when he finally got into his girlfriend`s pants.
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
My arm fell asleep, which is understandable, considering how boring the rest of my body has been.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
If I was a waiter.. I would plant fake engagement rings in every girl`s champagne glass, just to see their boyfriends panic.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
For some people, a new year means a new chance to f*ck it up all over again.
They say 1 in 3 people cheat in a relationship. I`m not sure if its my wife or my girlfriend.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like 10, so you can choose.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.