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Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I always advise people never to give advice.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.