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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
"If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~ My son apparently
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
You´re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!