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I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
Do you ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they aren`t talking?
10 years from now: “Dad, how did you meet mom? Well, your mom had the hottest profile pic…so I had to friend request that.”
I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
The last time I got drunk I married Satan..I`m not doing either one again
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
It`s bigger on the inside..said no woman, ever!
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.