Daily Silly Status

I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......

I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.

I try and avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they`re in the middle of a race.

If you really want to get under someone`s skin these days, just leave them a voicemail.

if money grew of trees, girls would be dating monkeys

I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.

In space they just call it "Jam"

If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.

Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.

Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..

I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.

Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.

I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke

Bartenders are basically professionals that we hire to poison us very slowly in creative ways.

Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)