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Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
4 out of 5 dead husbands agree that last casserole tasted really strange.
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
Using dog shampoo when I run out of cat shampoo because I ran out of human shampoo a week ago.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.