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Spoiler alert: this milk expired five days ago
5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
If ghosts existed, why are they all apparently from the last 100 years or so? Wouldn’t there be evidence of a Neanderthal ghost here and there?
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!