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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with "According to the prophecy."
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Keep reaching for the stars but please get a better deodorant.
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
Don`t talk about yourself so much... we`ll do that when you leave.
I`m writing this status very slowly, cause I know you guys can`t read very fast.
For once I would like to see a horoscope that says, "You`re totally f*cked this month"