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Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
The ski racks on my car say I’m fun, adventurous, and can’t figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
If you´re cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Well I just finished up some spring cleaning. Holy crap, owning a Slinky can be such a hassle.
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
Here`s a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out
Its so cold out, I actually saw a gangsta with his pants UP!