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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
Not to cause a panic but i`m starting to think we`re running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
Christmas is just like any other day in the workplace, you work your butt off and the fat guy with a suit gets all the credit.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
Whenever I give money to the homeless, I get yelled at that "they are just gonna buy booze with it". All I can think is ... Oh like I wasn`t ..
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
I hear you`ve been very naughty ... Go to my room!
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.