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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
It`s not so much that I wanted to drink the whole bottle of wine, I just couldn`t figure out how to get the cork back in it.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
I totally tricked this woman into sleeping with me. All I had to do was put a ring on her finger and live with her for the rest of my life.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?