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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN
Next time a customer service rep asks “Is there anything else I can do for you?” whisper “Smile for the camera, I’m watching you” & hang up
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.