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Stop bitchin about the frigid winter snow. There are kids in Africa who don`t even HAVE weather!
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
Sometimes it would be nice if the world had an off switch.
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....