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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
Q.Teacher: why do we drink water? A. Learner : Because we cant eat it!
I was told there would be kool-aid.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.