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I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Nobody wants to know your diet. So shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad.
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2) if it does not look like it`s breathing give it mouth-to_mouth
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
I`ll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I`ll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can`t reach the remote.