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One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
Fun Fact: if you took the skin of an average person and laid it out flat,you would have enough for a serious criminal conviction :)
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
is actually feeling pretty much okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
According to my neighbor`s rooster, it`s 5am now. Also according to my neighbor`s rooster, we`re having fried chicken for dinner tomorrow.
Women are angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we continue to fly…on a broomstick. We’re flexible that way.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
I was going to give you a nasty look but I see you already have one!