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I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
Come on snooze button, is 9 minutes all you have to offer...I need something in the 2-3 hour range.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
I just realised that sex is like air..its not important unless you are not getting any.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!