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take me drunk i`m home
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It’s that easy.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
When you`re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
All fortune cookies should just read, "You will have diarrhea for the next 24 hours.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.