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Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you´re on.
Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
I always look for the best looking cashier at the supermarket and always end up at the self checkout lane
Warning: I just get weirder.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes