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If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
What if all this time it`s been Chicken that taste like Frog legs????
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on.
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
I hope Breaking Bad ends with Jesse waking up from a dream in the middle of Mr. White`s chemistry class.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
Iām trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.