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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
You make me want to be a drunker person
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
You pay more attention to the TV than you do me! - Ma`am, do you want me to fix your cable or not?
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.