Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Im having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... alright by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes