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Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
The computers were down at work today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards to play solitaire.
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
The greatest fear is NOT fear itself. It’s dropping your phone in a port-a-potty!
I`ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can`t find his nuggets.
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.