Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet you $567.89 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I’d pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, “Keep the change you filthy animal.”
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
I like you as a friend. Well, more like as a friend of a friend.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
It`s not that I CAN`T be good, it`s that I`m SOOOOO much better at being BAD!!!
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.