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If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
Boss: You`re on another break already? Me: No. This is the same one you saw me on an hour ago.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
Hi everyone! Welcome to AA. This is a "judgment free" zone...unless we`re talking about Janice who ate all the cookies last week.
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers