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"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
Excuse me but which level of Hell is this?
"The Twilight Zone" makes me long for the days when you could smoke on a spaceship.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
When I see something funny on the internet, I don’t usually laugh. I just blow more air out of my nose than usual.