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Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Dr. Seuss could have been the greatest rapper ever.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.