Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
I procrastinate so much I’ll probably put off death and never die.
Me: I`m gonna lose weight. Me: I`m gonna exercise every day. Me: I`m gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?