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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
is available for rebound sex.
After visiting the gov`t healthcare site, I don`t know why I was so worried about their ability to spy on me...
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the sh!t out of each other because it`s negative.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.