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I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
If you were a cookie, you’d be a whoreo.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
It’s not weird to talk to yourself, it’s just weird when someone else hears you talking to yourself.
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.