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What a terrible day. I`m going to drive through puddles & splash pedestrians to make myself feel better,
Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that`s how I feel today.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
I don`t get why people find drunk text annoying
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
Alarm Clock(n): An evil device invented by Satan to disrupt the peaceful sleep of otherwise happy folks at a predetermined hour.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.