Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
I don`t think boredom gets enough blame for the trouble it causes.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
Bragging about how much you receive in alimony only demonstrates how much someone was willing to pay to get rid of you.
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?