Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
I hope we`re friends until we die and then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk through walls and scare the sh!t out of people.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life`s mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?