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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Please don`t post that political joke you just came up with. . . it really wasn`t that funny to begin with. Thanks for understanding. -the rest of us
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
Next time a skinny bitch calls herself fat… I’m gonna agree with her.
People I hate are not allowed to be funny.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
I was going to change my profile pic to a pumpkin for Halloween, but it didn`t look that much different from my actual head.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.