Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
I`m not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".