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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
How to find the perfect husband: Play monopoly with him. if he chooses the iron, he`s the one
I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
I grew up for this?
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
Just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I`m gonna need a minute
So I wanted to publicly apologize for not doing the ice bucket challenge for everyone that nominated me. I don`t give money to charity, unless she is on stage B at 11:30.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.