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“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
I took out an ad for a girlfriend recently and 10 guys tried to give me theirs.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance – My stages of getting ready for work