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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
I will write something profound ... subsoil!
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
Sign said “WET PAINT” So I emptied my water bottle on it. I’m currently waiting on further instructions.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macauley Culkin because I always go home alone.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…