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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
Every time I see a safety warning on a product I can`t help think to myself how natural selection has failed us once again...
Ever gotten that awkward feeling? ..like the one when you realize you`re chewing on a BORROWED pencil?
According to cannibals it only takes one vegetarian to make vegetarian chili.
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
I always assume anyone sitting alone in a car in the dark corner of a grocery store parking lot is waiting to meet a hitman who is running late.
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.