Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
I`d gladly eat raw eggs before my workout provided those eggs were inside brownie batter.
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole