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I wish my mind had a delete button.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
I don`t have a drinking problem ... I`m just really thirsty.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.