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My kids keep bugging me about dinner even after I told them I already ate...
Don`t rush me, I`m waiting until the last minute.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
They should make Vodka ChapStick
We`ll be friends `til we`re old and senile ... Then we`ll be new friends.
The best way to hang up on someone is to do it in the middle of your own sentence, that way they will just think you lost service.
Next time you`re down in the dumps...pick me up a spare tire!