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"My phone`s about to die." -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call
Of course it`s you. If it was me I wouldn`t even bring it up.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Don`t play stupid with me! I`m better at it.
You laugh because I´m different. I laugh cause I just farted!
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
I went to the store to buy some comdoms and the cashier asked me If I needed a bag ? "I replied No she`s not that ugly"
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.