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I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
I like to imagine that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?”
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
Happy Fourth of July!! Or as the rest of the world likes to call it, Friday.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.