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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
I woke up this morning with a glass of water on my bedside table with a note saying “for hungover me” I drank it and it was vodka. Drunk me can be such an asshole!
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
There’s gotta be a better use for the part of my brain that remembers every word to “Baby Got Back.”
And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.