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Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
I’m eating for two – me and that skinny girl inside my body. She likes cake, too.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
CONGRATULATIONS! You are the 13th woman he`s called "beautiful" on Facebook today.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"