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My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
I`m still trying to get over the fact that oranges are pre-sliced by nature.
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cares, then why the heck is there a song about it?
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?