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I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
When a man says he`ll do anything for a woman, he means slaying dragons, killing zombies and rescuing her from castle towers. IT DOES NOT MEAN cleaning garage, fixing roof and cleaning out the basement!
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
Just spent 20 minutes on the treadmill without breaking into a sweat......tomorrow I might even switch it on!
Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
If you try to fail but you succeed which have you done?
Im still waiting for Anheuser-Bush to name a beer "responsibly" so i can drink it!
"Estimated Time of Arrival" on the GPS. Challenge accepted!
Give a man a fish & he`ll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That`s weird" Teach a man to fish & he`ll be all "Again with the fish?"