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Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
A box 5 lb. box of chocolates: $40, Valentines Day card: $3.75, not being yelled at for 35 minutes until the chocolate is gone: priceless!
Roses are red, dead ones are black, why is your chest as flat as your back?
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
Sad Fact- Boobie traps seldom involve boobies.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
The human race is the only one that lets its idiots live a full life...
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
They`re teaching kids that abstinence is 100% more effective in preventing pregnancy than birth control, try telling that one to Jesus`s mother!
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
If you`re feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.