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I am currently unsupervised ... I know, it freaks me out too. But the possibilities are endless!
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d love to bring a guest.
Gym Update: Not there.
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
The only thing I ever throwback on Thursdays are drinks
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.