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A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
When a movie says "Based on a true story." it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people.
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
never tell a lie...unless it is true
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.