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that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
My mind has a mind of its own.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.