Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you`re not naked near enough.
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.