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Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they`ll fill your antidepressants faster.
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!