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If I could be anyone else in the whole world, I would still be me so that I wouldn`t have to buy new clothes.
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
I’m in big trouble if my coworkers find out that I really don’t have Tourette’s
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.