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Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
I don`t know why Coca-Cola and Pepsi are fighting over what Santa drinks, everybody knows that big fat belly can only come from beers.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
sex is like a joke, some get it some don`t.....
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
All I want is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.
Friends that are with you during your darkest times probably didn’t pay their electric bill either.