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Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.