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I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
My New Year`s resolution for 2014 is to do something about my procrastination.
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
Your things are terrific.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
If you can`t handle your alcohol I would gladly help you out
I try not to laugh at my own jokes. But we all know I`m hilarious.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener